Chapter [10]: When life gives you the internet, use it to your advantage

I'm trying to get reset up on twitter...if that makes any sense. Please "friend me?" Is that even what it's called? I think it's "follow me." I hope I don't sound too desperate. I probably do...awkward...

On a side note; I'm skinnier now! My wedding dress zipped all the way to the top, which made me so excited I almost fell over.

More later, I promise. I'm helping my dad install hardwood floor. I'll be back after I'm done and conclude this post. *hatcha*

[Chapter 8] Sometimes A Song is All You Need

We sent out the S.O.S. call.
It was a quarter past four, in the morning
When the storm broke our second anchor line.
Four months at sea. Four months of calm seas {only}
To be pounded in the shallows off the tip of Montauk Point.

They call 'em rows. They travel fast and alone.
One hundred foot faces of God's good ocean gone wrong.
What they call love is a risk,
'Cause you will always get hit
Out of nowhere by some wave
And end up on your own.

The hole in the hull defied the crew’s attempts,
To bail us out.
And flooded the engines and radio,
And half buried bow.

Your tongue is a rudder.
It steers the whole ship.
Sends your words past your lips
Or keeps them safe behind your teeth.
But the wrong words will strand you.
Come off course while you sleep.
Sweep your boat out to sea
Or dashed to bits on the reef.

The vessel groans
The ocean pressures its frame.
To the port I see the lighthouse
Through the sleet and the rain.
And I wish for one more day to give my
Love and repay debts.
But the morning finds our bodies washed up thirty miles west.

They say that the captain stays fast with the ship,
Through still and storm,
But this ain't the Dakota,
And the water's so cold,
{We} won't have to fight for long.

(This is the end.)
This story's old but it goes on and on until we disappear,
(This is the calm.)
Calm me and let me taste the salt you breathed while you were underneath,
(We are the risen.)
I am the one who haunts your dreams of mountains sunk below the sea,
(After the storm.)
I spoke the words but never gave a thought to what they all could mean,
(Rest in the sea.)
I know that this is what you want, a funeral keeps both of us apart.
(Washed up on the beach.)
You know that you are not alone, I need you like water in my lungs.
[x2]

This is the end.


...You never do see any other way...

Chapter 7: Why are boobs good?

I've been on this diet for the past few weeks. I've got to lose weight in the hip/butt area of my body to be able to fit into my gorgeous wedding dress that I bought at an awesome price (part of the deal was that they discontinued the dress and they only had the one size left). I measured myself four weeks ago and the measurements were as follows:

Bust: 42
Waist: 38
Hips: 44.
Butt: 46

The measurements for the dress are

Bust: 40 or 41 (can't remember)
Waist: 36
Hips/Butt: 40 or 41 (can't remember)

Currently I am here:

Bust: 41
Waist: 36
Fattest Part of My Belly Around my belly button: 41.5
Hips:41
Butt: 42.5

That means I've lost an inch in my boobs. Sadness. But joy because my Butt has dropped down to a voluminous 42.5 instead of a bouncy 46. I looked hot today. Hatcha. ;)

Aside from being sexy, I am also sad. Today was a rough. I've been without carbohydrates for quite some time and I took a binge day at the local buffet. Apparently, in the middle of nowhere, there are only 6 to 8 local restaurants to chose from outside the strip from the mile of fast food places starting at Arby's and ending at Taco Bell. The buffet was called "Ryan's." Now, does an actual Ryan own it? I can't say for sure. What I can tell you is that the mac 'n cheese was surprisingly delicious. I had two plates of it, and a load of ice cream.

I've been waiting to hear back about this job that I applied for. If I got it, then I would feel total fulfillment in life...yes, it's that sort of a career job. However, if I don't get it...then epic fail (I hate that term and I have no idea why I use it so often). If that were to happen, if I didn't get the job, I would probably binge out on Culver's (located conveniently in between the McDonald's and the KFC) and gain that inch back in Harry and Sally before you could count to 5. Let's just pray it doesn't come to that.

Alan has been working like crazy. I haven't seen him at all this week and I miss him so much. He's been working on that bridge like his life depends on it. I guess it does because that's our income, so who can blame him? (Side note: I'm thinking of naming the bridge. Any suggestions?) Today he woke up at 4:30am and left at 5am. He didn't get home until 7pm. By that time, I was craving comfort food so badly from the stress of both not seeing him, the fact that I was already hungry, and that I hadn't heard back from the photo company yet about the job. Carbohydrates were in my future and I could just sense the forces of nature telling me to eat them...EAT THEM.

Do you think I'm weird Strool Pieta? Is it weird for a 21 year old to be engaged and hungry all the time? I feel so out of place in the world. I guess that's not a new feeling. I have never known anyone who has looked like me or acted like me really. I guess Alan gets pretty crazy, so he acts sort of like me, but he doesn't need the same things I do. For instance, I really need to be around people. I'm not sure if he needs that as much as me. Most importantly, I need to be around him. I don't know if he knows that either. I guess I need to talk to him.

There is a possibility that I may be coming home for Halloween. I hope it happens. I miss everyone and everything about Illinois.

Good night strool pieta. Get some rest and I'll hug you in the morning.
hilary hope

Outside the Book: An Epilogue to Another Blog

My dear Breanna and I have embarked upon a challenge in finding interesting pictures through words we provide each other. This weeks list was as follows: Girl, Flower, Sunglasses, Crying, Love, Picture Frame, Ring, Hammer, Radio, Record.

Now, For this photo I chose "love" to be the reaction between the two puppies, Ethel and Harley. Ethel is the bulldog. Harley is the bassett hound. Ethel is wearing a pink collar, symbolizing that she's my "girl," and she also has a "ring" around the collar. The "flower" is centered behind the dogs. Sunglasses are lacking here...Harley wouldn't wear them. The "picture frame" is photoshopped in around as a border. Hammer...I didn't get. I went with wheel barrow instead...haha. I feel like Harley is "crying" to get out of this mess...but frankly I don't think that this would be quite fair to claim. I guess I really only legitimately have Girl, Flower, Love, Picture Frame, and Ring...you could say the picture itself is a "record" in time...hahah...you could say that...but you know, art is all subjective. ;) Oh, boy. Haha. Next time I'll get all the words without having to push the limit (I hope).

Also, I may move this whole entry to another blog...since this one is my personal one. I might just co-start one with Breanna...or figure out how to post pictures on hers. We're doing this every week. :D

love you strool pieta,
hilary hope

[Chapter 6] Life Happens Out of Order and In Incomplete Sentences

I divided my paragraphs with numbers! List writing helps me breathe better.

1. I went basement hunting a few days ago after watching "Cash in the Attic." (Again, I'm addicted to HGTV). My house was constructed in the late 1800's (Alan and I saw it on a map for 1893) so I figured there might be some cool stuff down there. But actually, there wasn't anything too old to be found. I did however find boxes full of the GNARLIEST art supplies. If I would have stumbled upon such a copious amount of art love before last semester, I'd be hundreds of dollars richer. Yes sir, there was that much art stuff in my basement. It may have been from the 70's, but all the paint was still wet, the intaglio supplies still good, and the paper still writable. Life's funny like that. It gives you everything sometimes, just after you feel like you don't need it anymore.

2. A weirdo was in front of my house yesterday before I left for work. He had a backpack and a suitcase in his hand and he was staring at me from next to my car. I walked down from my porch and into my car. He didn't move. It was unnerving. I freaked out actually and called Alan immediately. I was worried he was casing my house, of course. When I got home yesterday and all my stuff was still here, though, the feeling submerged. I guess it wasn't worth it. Hah. But if for some reason, I'm dead in the next week...he was blonde and 5 foot 7.

3. I put my two weeks notice in today. Yes, I quit my job. It turns out we are moving to Burlington after all. I just need some time to figure out my life a little bit more. For the last few weeks, I've been finding myself sitting in the park in downtown KCMO when I get out of work. There is this lovely little setup in the park so you can look out at the rail yards that separate KCK from KCMO. My head is always in my hands and my eyes are always to the ground out infront of me. I don't want to end up like these abandoned railways, once useful...but now outdated...just never having found a lasting purpose. I don't want to be a wrought iron track people walk all over. I don't want to be a waitress anymore.

4. I wrote a new song. I really want to record it but my computer is still super slow, but I'm supposed to get a hard drive for it soon. (Cross your fingers). I need to sing, LOUD and AIRY. I feel a lot like my free form thinking is moving to this awful box like state of mind. I need to embrace my creativity soon. I haven't taken a picture since 3 weeks ago.

5. I love you and have to go to bed now, even though I can sleep in as long as I want too, but I'd better not. I better go hiking or biking or running...because soon I'll be old and it'd be worse if I were old and fat.

Can you tell I'm kinda sad right now? Oh, boy.

Good night, Strool pieta. xoxo.

[Chapter 2] Life Lessons in Forbearance: Cheese Burgers, Sex, and Chocolate

Lately, My work life has not been the greatest. Yesterday I cried the entirety of the afternoon. This nineteen year old kid I work with always picks on me. I know, I could take him, but for some reason I feel so powerless against him...for some reason I can't stand up to him. The thing that makes me so mad is I'm really nice to him...to everybody! It's like on the episode of Will and Grace when Will starts working with his high school bully in the law office and he makes him do all his paper work...Ugh! I don't even know how to describe how upset I was yesterday, both at myself and that kid. But today is a new day, and I happened to get my shifts covered for work so I didn't have to go in. (Yay for not working a double on a Friday! :D ). Waitressing here is so hard. Kansas yeilds me on average $24 a shift. That's awful. In Chicago I'd walk away with, at the very least on my worst day, $45. It's even worse now because I'm hungry all the time and am surrounded by the enemy. Cheese burgers are my down fall and I happen to work at a famous chain burger joint. I remember last year, when Heath Ledger died, I ate nothing but Big Macs for dinner for a month. That, of course, is the reason I am dieting this year. I don't even want to call it a diet, really. It's a healthy change. I eat LOADs of carbs every day...I think it helps me deal with stress, which is really unhealthy (but, on the upside, I'm not chugging back straight vodka shots daily...not that I was doing that before, because I wasn't. I just know some people that do). Stress is so high right now too...I feel like a Big Mac could cure it! I've been waiting 4 weeks to see if my fiance and I are moving to Iowa. Alan (that's the fiance) has been working on redesigning this bridge for half a year and they are starting construction on it really soon. I just wish I knew if we needed to move there next month or not. I'm also planning a wedding for next May and am trying my hardest to figure out payments and scheduling, which is REALLY hard when you dont live in the state that the wedding is happening in. (My mother tried to tell me that before I moved, but I didn't listen to her. I should have!) I'm also very cold for some reason right now. Maybe I need some socks. In summary, I feel like Kansas has been teaching me a lot of self control and how to deal with douchbaggery in the form of co-workers. I'm doing alright interms. I'm going to go work out my sexual frustrations by doing a ton of sit-ups while watching Design on a Dime. Yay, HGTV. Cough. <3

xox
hilary hope

[Chapter One] Lost Items: First my debit card, and then my virginity

I'm sitting on the couch in my living room that overlooks a small city's skyline. Some television show is on National Geographic telling me it's my fault that the world is on it's way to the dumpster. Go figure. I never knew that I was directly responsible for the greenhouse effect and the holes in the o-zone (considering I ride my bike almost everywhere, it's a surprise to me). I'll let that one slide natgeotv, but only for now until I feel like dumping all my problems on you but wait! I'm not the media. Instead I am Hilary and I'm 21 years old. I'm a photographer (I took the photo above) and a lover (in more ways than one). Recently I moved to Kansas City and I guess I'm just looking for a place to dump my problems into, instead of the general public like National Geographic. I'm not blaming you, Strool Pieta, for anything particular. Infact, I have almost nothing to complain about. I moved here to be closer to my fiance that I missed dearly. I had done a long distance relationship once before, and it didn't work out. I realized after it that you need to be by your love for it to work, hence my move and my new life change. Right now, I guess I just miss my family and friends from home. Ultimately that's all I have complaint wise. One day though, the time will come when I'll need someone to talk to about more important matters and I wont have anyone at the moment I need it, so I'll bitch about the ozone layer to you Strool Pieta, who will always have an open ear for my voice. That's all for now. x